Walls high protected by anger,
or fear or anxious concern,
often nameless but a sentinel nonetheless;
assuring a life of withdrawal from intimacy
that is based on transparency and truth.

Does each heart carry its burden?
Or is it true that perhaps each one thinks;
“my secrets are unique
more shameful than others,
so hidden is the best road to take”.

Do all hearts bleed,
surrounded by a crown of thorns,
pain and fear constricting inner breath,
leading to spiritual asphyxiation?

This gasping for life
leads to many dead end destinations,
wrong places sought over and over,
until despair grows and inner self distain,
drowning the soul in a toxic sea of denial;
is there no way out besides death?
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All is known and seen already.
Our problems and shame common,
learned only when speaking truth
to one who listens and understands.

Which is a kind of death,
a stripping of the ego,
spiritual nakedness before another,
no wonder the road is arduous
yet leading to deeper and freedom
after the death of self revelation begun.

Br. Mark Dohle
Holy Spirit Monastery

Br. Mark Dohle, OSCO
Holy Spirit Monastery

Why do I want to lash out beloved?

Am I really so evil,
shattered within;
will I go under,
devoured by my own inner
hungry and rapacious
demons,
hungry for the pain of others,
for the release of suffering
onto others?

O Jesus,
when you were scourged,
it was my rage that did it,
the whip I could have used
on your body,
venting my rage on your
innocent and holy flesh.

Love and hatred meet,
revenge faces forgiveness,
open arms of your love
meet my closed fisted fear,
primordial pain
so deep that I can not dive
deep enough to find it,
yet it finds me,
in my fantasies,
in my anger,
my fear and anxious concern.

An inner dragon
ripping my soul;
eating up my thoughts,
seeking consummation
of hatreds longing for release;
will it never end?

Yet, it is only your love Jesus
that can release and heal me,
my soul feels like at times
the food of demons,
raging spirits
seeking expression through me;
beloved,
how is it that you love one such as me?

My heart such as it is,
O Lord,
I open to your gaze,
allowing the fire of your love
to engulf the inferno of my inner hell,
that only your can free me from,.

Jesus Christ,
Son of the living God,
have mercy on me a sinner.

I pray for all so consumed,
my brothers and sisters
though out this world,
I lift them up to your heart O Lord,
your heart is one,
not lacerated like mine by evil’s pain,
for evil has no hold on your heart Jesus;
for you simply love.

Hold on to us Lord,
the many who struggle with inner wounds,
filled with fear and rage,
only your cooling fire of love can release us
from our eternal prison,
for is that not what hell is,
to be isolated forever,
in evils unloving embrace,
alone forever,
separated from that
for which we were made?

Br. Mark Dohle, OSCO
Holy Spirit Monastery

But sound is never half so fair
As when that music turns to air
And the universe dies of excellence.

Sun, moon and stars
Fall from their heavenly towers.
Joys walk no longer down the blue world's shore.

Though fires loiter, lights still fly on the air of the gulf,
All fear another wind, another thunder:
Then one more voice
Snuffs all their flares in one gust.

And I go forth with no more wine and no more stars
And no more buds and no more Eden
And no more animals and no more sea:

While God sings by himself in acres of night
And walls fall down, that guarded Paradise.

Thomas Merton

There is human warmth,
and demonic cold heartedness,
and some who are indifferent;

Empathy and compassion
exist along side
hearts and minds armored,
dead to the pain of others.

Those who flee from pain
and then others who love to inflict it;

Good mothers,
hateful moms,
protecting fathers
and dad’s who abuse without mercy;

Poor and rich,
ugly and beautiful
and most of us in between,
though it is very true,
“that beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.

Inner beauty
and outer,
some faces glow
others are pinched;
for life can seem to be without mercy
or regard to what we want,
desire, or care for.

Some believe and others do not,
for both perhaps
their way is obvious;
if only those ‘others’ would simply
open their minds.

It is a dance I guess,
though often one of pain,
making one to forget better times;

If it is not one thing
it is another,
pleasure alternates with suffering,
good health
becomes bad on a dime,
one moment alive
and the next dead.

No wonder many don’t want to think about it;
the loneliness that seems to be the lot
of all Earth’s children,
who are both blessed
and at times perhaps also cursed
with self awareness;

(though all in all it is a true blessing I believe),

Memories of things past,
once loved now gone forever,
and the fear
of what ones imagines for the future.

We have hearts that the finite cannot seem to fill;
for we love and often it shows us deeper longings,
that finite humans cannot quench;
though human love is a great boon.

Will that longing one day be satisfied,
will the infinite fill the finite,
the universal heart
enter into the intimacy of each man and women’s’
inner chamber?

That source of human longing and suffering,
each hidden from the other
though we can stand face to face?

A vast inner desert awaiting
God’s healing touch
that will seduce the soul into infinite ecstasy.

Perhaps then,
(well maybe not),
this dance of ‘opposing’
will be understood
and even stopped.

My mind cannot grasp such a thing,
yet faith hopes in all things,
and love simply trust.

Br. Mark Dohle
Holy Spirit Monastery